Dog Food
I was in Target buying a large bag of Purina for my dog. A woman behind me in the checkout line asked if I had a dog.
I was feeling a bit crabby and sarcastic so, on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I had awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
Her jaw dropped and her eyes about bugged out as I went on and on with the bogus diet story. I could tell she was totally buying it so I embellished it with everything I could think of. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. At this point practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.
I said noooo, I'd been sitting in the street licking myself when a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
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